Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
