I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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