His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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