Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
