I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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