I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
