my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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