i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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