Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
