the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize