I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
