you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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