coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
