In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize