its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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