My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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