I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
