Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
