I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
