You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
