dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ladies don't puke and tell
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
