He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
