So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Randomize
