Your tits are I can't wait for
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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