was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
