Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
