Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
