why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
