so that wasnt chicken after all
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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