Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
