Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
