it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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