My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
