I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
