please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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