Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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