Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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