I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
