he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
