ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just blew my weed a kiss
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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