Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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