grandma shit on top of the toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have aggressive nipples.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
