I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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