not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My feet surprised me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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