I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
