I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
