drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
