I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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