Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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