Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
