i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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