being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just googled if crying burns calories
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
