Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
