it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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