Pappa wants mamma naked
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
