We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
