there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
