Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
