he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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