WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize