Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
