she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize