So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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