The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
