i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
