I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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