Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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