I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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