Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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