So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
