oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
