you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
