i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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