Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
