I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ttyl tear gas
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
