apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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