No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
