so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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