im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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