I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need to stop coming to work sober
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
