Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
