Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
