Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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