Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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