Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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