You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
