I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
