No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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