You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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