Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
