Someone shit on the floor
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
