So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
