Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
