I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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