My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize