I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
