i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He passed out mid-signature
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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