I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
