I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
50% drunk capacity currently
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
