woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
