ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
