I wanna passion pit in your ass
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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