We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
